“The Posture of a Deer”
By Shelley M. Reed
I know this may sound a bit strange, but when I start a new journal, I look for the perfect one. Maybe because something crazy happened with a journal I chose a couple years ago. We were in NY at the time, and I was wrestling with God about another possible move to Texas. An additional fun fact was that it was the day of the solar eclipse, April 8, 2024. I was chuckling. Maybe He would give us an answer on that day, since an event of this magnitude is quite unforgettable…HA! Well, you are not going to believe it, but that is exactly what happened! I had just finished my journal, and since we were getting ready for a move, I had thrown some of those boring composition notebooks in a drawer just in case I needed one. I grabbed one and sat down to spend some time with the Lord. Many of you understand how precious this time is of just sitting at the feet of Jesus and enjoying His company especially when life gets a bit messy. Well…you are never going to believe what happened! I looked down and what did I see? Yes, it was one of those ordinary black and white composition notebooks or so I thought! I didn’t realize that this one had something on it. When we were stationed in El Paso, Texas, I was involved in a military ladies’ bible study called PWOC (Protestant Woman of the Chapel). The year we were there, they gave us this composition notebook as a gift, and I hadn’t used it yet. It had a label on it to make it more personal. Guess what was on the label? YEPPPPP!!! The STATE OF TEXAS! And I believe it was strategically placed by our Lord on a bright, emerald GREEN background! In my mind, that meant…GO!!! I know you may think that was a coincidence. But not me. It is not that I am always looking for a sign, but I do believe the Lord gives them to us here and there, AND I am confident at that moment this one was His sovereign timing. Tears filled my eyes. He saw ME! He saw my hurt. I felt His nearness to my struggling heart. It is only like my God to know that I needed reassurance, and there it was all tucked away in a forgotten journal and during a once in a lifetime solar eclipse…HA!!
So here I was again. Now in Texas. A few months later. A new season and new decisions. On to a new journal. This one was purchased for me by my husband on Christmas. It was a nice journal, but knowing my husband, it was probably an Amazon deal. The front of the journal had a male deer with a HUGE RACK! My dad would be drooling if he got a deer that big.
This is a photo of the front of my journal.
I asked the Lord, “What is up with the deer?” I really did not want to read into something that wasn’t there.
Amazon deal. Pleather. Deer. HA!
Because the Lord often uses nature in my life to teach me a spiritual lesson, I decided to just take some time and research the male deer…the infamous BUCK! Why infamous? Because it is a hunter’s dream. When you see one in the woods or out in a meadow, its presence is picturesque. It exuberates tremendous confidence and strength. Additionally, I found out that those heavy and ornate pieces of bone towering on its head represent a tremendous investment of energy. As I conducted my google search, I was also reminded that these self-assured animals drop their antlers annually. When their emblem of pride is removed with it comes humility and an enormous vulnerability. Those shed antlers become a source of valuable nutrients for other animals. Then all of the sudden, an interesting thought came to mind. Has this helpless buck now learned the secret of leadership? Though our Creator designed him to lead, has his seasons of need taught him the necessary character trait of dependency?
Then the Holy Spirit whispered into my heart, “Shelley, you are like that beautiful deer. You are older now, and I am teaching you how to lead. The bumps in the road of your life are forcing you to keep your head bowed in humility realizing that it is not about you. Leadership is service. Your shed antlers feed others. Your brokenness gives you a perspective on how to love and understand those you serve. It keeps you from becoming self-reliant. It trains you to become God-reliant. The result is you keep a posture that looks to Jesus for your sufficiency and no one or nothing else. It is a difficult lesson to learn, but it brings wisdom beyond your years, and grace in those difficult life moments.”
A short reflection…
Ten years ago, Shelley was “invincible”. Grabbing the bull by the horns. Strong and confident. Independent and self-reliant. I had some quite large and dominating antlers that echoed “I got this Lord!” To be totally honest, the percentage of Shelley in my life trumped Jesus by a long shot. This pruning of health battles and cancer brought a dependency on Him alone. It changed me. It resulted in a sweet transformation because I was forced to look up and cry,
“Lord, not my will, but yours!”
“I can’t but you can.”
“I am weak, but you are strong.”
The Psalmist so beautifully declares it in Psalm 42:1,
“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.”
And the hymn writer so elegantly pens it below,
“Take my life and let it be,
Consecrated, Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days;
Let them flow in ceaseless praise,
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of they love,
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.”
I asked myself, “What really matters?” I began to see life through the eternal lens. His lens. A lens of purpose and people. My shed antlers became a message to the world of His healing and His hope!
Proverbs 15:33
The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.
Wow, Shelley! Honestly, I think this is your best post yet! I can actually hear your “Ha’s!” as if we are sitting on the couch together again talking into the wee hours of the night. I so appreciate your take on your journey compared to the buck and his antlers! Keep that posture of humility and worship — God is definitely using it to nourish others, and me!
I love this Shel!